Step out

I was feeling so confused but now I think that I'm doing the right thing. I cannot be stuck in this anymore, cannot allow myself to continue when I know that in the end I will be seriously hurt.

Why am I still not over S? What are the things that made me go back to him again and again, I can't think of much. Childish procrastinating insensitive irresponsible and mostly, he doesn't make me feel that I am important to him.

There are so many negative things that I can talk about, but why is it that I keep coming back to the same person?

He still likes her, and cannot forget about it. S said he needs the time and will get over her, but he still say things online and keep things there that reminds himself about their whole affair. With all that, how is forgetting and getting over, possible? I cannot pretend I didn't see.

I feel so cheap and avaliable to be there for him when I know that he still has feelings for her, like how I delude myself that he only needs time. But deep down I know myself if he really treasure what we had, he would have done this fast and get it over and done with. I just kept running away from this truth.

He did made it clear that we would take things slowly, if we could work out again. But it cannot happen when the mess is still here. He needs to clear things up, with her, with me. Make it a clean cut no strings attached.

Now, I'm taking a step out myself I'm not going to wait for him to take action, because he never will, will he? I told S over the phone I was moving on, and didn't want to hear from him at all. He did want to remain contact but it will be difficult for me, so I refused. He didn't stop me at all, he didn't say anything to keep me.

The most disturbing thing is that he said if I want to move on, it's my matter, when he wants to get back to me he can do it anytime he wants.

Was that it? So he really did treat me like a toy, he was playing with my feelings when he said he will try to forget about her. Words with no actions I've been through so much of that, too much of that. Make your own decision Koh Ping En, know what is best for yourself don't live to regret anymore further.